Weak Excuses and Silly Headgear

See, just being silly

Wearing silly Headgear

Dear Floundering Along with Fay readers.

Wearing silly headgear

Being silly with her friends

On behalf of the management of this blog, we apologise profusely for the lack of updated posts over the  last few weeks.

To be honest, a certain someone has been very unreliable and we are not very impressed with her behaviour.

She claims she has been too busy doing important things like taking part in Christmas Bazaar Charity Fundraiser.

But we just think she was having fun with her friends and wearing silly Christmas headgear.

We have also been reliably informed that she has been seen gadding about Xmas Markets in Bratislava, Vienna and Budapest with a group of people who look remarkably like members of her own family, including her brother-in-law and his family.

Being silly at Xmas Market in Budapest

Being silly at Xmas Market in Budapest

To compound this already untenable situation, she now informs us that she is flying off to New Zealand next week for the birth of her grandchild and to celebrate Christmas and the New Year with her family.

She also has the cheek to imply that she will be too busy to update this blog until after she returns to Europe at the end of January.

She does ask that we send you all Christmas Greetings and wishes for a blessed and happy New Year and is asking for your patience until she begins blogging again in the New Year.

But we find this totally unacceptable and have already placed a warning letter in her file (not the first).

Rest assured there will be severe consequences once we have consulted with our Human Resources Department and worked out a plan of action.

We would just fire her, but as she doesn’t make any money from this blog, this would not really bother her very much.

In the meantime, Christmas Greetings from us as well. Maybe it will do us all good to have a break from her flounderings for a while.

 

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Travel, Rugby and Some Small and Irritating Mistakes.

Guess where I am?

Guess where I am?

My apologies if you noticed that there was no blog from me last week.

I would like to tell you it was because I was doing something meaningful and worthwhile (like campaigning for world peace) but in reality I was just too busy stalking rugby players around Paris and London, plus gadding about the South of France with my sister-in-law.

As usual, I  made plenty of small and irritating mistakes along the way, so have compiled a list of what not to do should you ever plan a similar trip.

SOME ADVICE ON LOGISTICS FOR TRAVEL

1. Don’t plan a trip to Avignon, but book accommodation in completely different part of France.  Also, don’t discover your mistake in Paris just minutes before you are leaving for the train station on the way to Avignon. A melt down and some unpleasant behaviour may result which will not make you look very emotionally stable.

Where is everyone else?

Where is everyone else?

2. Don’t take the cute little train to do a city tour at sunset in Nice (which is very nice) because you look silly and nobody else will be on it. Also it gets dark early in winter so you can hardly see anything anyway.

3. If you want to go from Paris to London to watch a rugby match at Twickenham, don’t book a non negotiable Eurostar ticket that only gets you to London a couple of hours before kick off. You will only just make it with minutes to spare, (with much help from a friend rushing you through the London tube train stations) gasping for breath and with some very sweaty armpits.

4. In the other extreme, don’t go to the Stade de France in Paris several hours before the match so you can watch another rugby match in a pub on TV, because they will make you buy bad expensive food and then turn off the TV and kick you out anyway.

Me doing haka at Twickenham

Me doing haka at Twickenham

5. Don’t take too big a suitcase packed with clothes you will never wear because you will have to lug it on and off planes, trains, buses and up narrow cobbled streets looking for your hotel in the rain.

6. While it is nice to save money by staying in cheap hotels, they do have their downside. For example, try not to wash your hair before going to bed because there is no hairdryer and you can give yourself quite a fright when you look in the mirror the next morning. Also, don’t lock yourself in your room because the door handle is broken and the telephone in the room doesn’t work and your phone has run out of battery.You may have to Skype your husband back home in Bratislava so he can phone downstairs reception for you, which is all quite embarrassing.

SOME RUGBY ETIQUETTE

7. Glaring at the drunk French rugby fan who keeps blowing a loud air horn all through the game will not make him be quiet. in fact it makes him blow it more often and much louder. Also, telling an English rugby fan that he is talking a load of nonsense will not go down very well (even though he was!).

Two French Fans

Two French Fans

8. If you are lucky enough to wangle an invitation to the All Black and English rugby team’s after match function at Twickenham, make sure you have a ball gown and elegant sandals (or something similar)  in your luggage. The skirt and boots you may think will be OK will make you stand out like a sore thumb. Having a cold sore on your lip won’t help either.

9. Following on from my last point, just because you are a big rugby fan does not mean that rugby players are as thrilled to meet you as you are to meet them. In fact they may just wonder why this silly old lady keeps following them around. Again, the cold sore doesn’t help.

10. Lastly, don’t leave your husband alone for a week while you trip around Europe because he will get the flu (which will make you feel guilty) and you will return to a  messy house. You will also discover dog poop hidden under the stairs, though the dog will hotly deny that he had anything to do it.

 

Categories: Bungling Around Bratislava...and other places | 8 Comments

New Cameras and Annoying Husbands

I want to buy a new camera for various reasons :

  • Our current one is too old and doesn’t take great photos.

    Bad photo of my husband sleeping

    Bad photo of my husband sleeping

  • I joined a camera club and when I showed my camera to the person leading the club, she laughed and said: “What can I teach you with that?”
  • I want to take better photos of my husband falling asleep in public places.
  • I want to be ready for when I become a world famous travel blogger.

My husband does not want to buy a new camera for various reasons

  • He thinks it is too expensive.
  • He doesn’t believe I will have the patience to learn how to use a more complicated camera.
  • He thinks it is a waste of money.
  • He thinks it  too expensive and a waste of money.

I eventually convinced him but only after promising it would be my birthday and Christmas presents (and his) this year.

So we have ordered a new one but every time I mention it, he smiles with a “I-know-you-will- not- use- it- properly” smirk that makes me want to shove our old camera somewhere that will be very painful for him.

So watch this space to see who is right…and of course it will be me because you should all know by now that he is always in the wrong

Categories: Bungling Around Bratislava...and other places, Sleepy husband blogs | 15 Comments

10 Travel Tips That Will Save Your Life

india bus

What follows is some vital travel information that you simply must read.

1. Don’t take an overnight bus from Delhi to Nanital Hill Station in India because you will spend the entire time screaming, praying, hugging your children and telling them you love them and you are very sorry you didn’t take the train.

2. Don’t buy an unknown lice treatment product in Thailand for your young daughter as it will make her scream and you will think you have killed her.

3. Don’t buy an ice cream from a street vendor in Calcutta for the entire family because you will all end up with very sick with shigella which will cause bathroom issues that I would rather not go into.

4. Don”t reach out to grab a snake’s head thinking it is a tap in a tented safari camp in Tanzania as even though you manage to stop yourself just in time, you almost have a heart attack anyway.Sex-on-the-beach

5. Don’t  have a cocktails with something about sex in the name in the Greek Islands because you and your husband will end up throwing up for half the next day, and you will wonder if you will ever see your children again (who are staying with your mother).

6. Don’t leap onto your young sons head in the bed next to you when you see a rat in your bedroom on an island in Thailand because he will not appreciate it.

7. Don’t argue about the price with a taxi driver in Vietnam. Especially if he has the door locked so you can’t get out, and leans over to open the glove-box to show you the knife he keeps inside.

Traffic-in-Cairo8. Don’t use the toilet on  tea plantation in Darjeeling because it is the most revolting thing you have ever seen and quite apart from the hygiene issues, the image will be forever imprinted on your brain.

9. Don’t try to cross the road in Cairo unless you know what you are doing.

10. Don’t tell your husband how much you spent on a handbag you bought in Rome because he may have a heart attack.

Please feel free to share any life saving travel advice that you may have. I want us all to be safe out there in the big wide world.

Categories: Bungling Around Bratislava...and other places | 10 Comments

The Advantages Of Being Forgetful

ForgetfulDinos

Now that I am a woman of a certain age (ie getting quite old) and my memory is not what it was (ie not very good at all) I have discovered some advantages which I would like to share before I forget what they are.

1. You can find things (like a long lost pair of earrings) while frantically searching the house for your car keys.

2. You can forgive your husband after an argument because you have forgotten what you were fighting about (though you are quite certain that he was in the wrong).

3. You can go to a place you have been before and it is exciting and new because you can’t remember a thing about it or that you were even there.

4. You are always meeting new people because you don’t remember that you have met them before.

5. You can be sincere when you tell someone that you will keep a secret they just told you because you know you will soon forgot what it was anyway.

forget ful

6. You can be honest when you assure someone you have done something they asked you to, because you really thought you had and it is only later you discover that you forgot.

7. You can laugh heartily at the same old joke your husband has told many times before because you always forget the punchline. Or the same story a friend keeps repeating…(you know who you are!).

8. You can have a second piece of lemon tart because you forgot you had just eaten one (or at least pretend you have forgotten).

9. You can enjoy a book/movie a second time because you can’t remember a thing that happens or that you have even seen/read it before.

FORGETFULNESS-1jpg10. When you go into a room to do something and then forget what it was, you can always sit down and read a book instead.

11. You can have  private conversations with your husband (who is also getting more forgetful) that nobody else can understand: ie “Remember when…what’s her name?… went to that… you know that place… and ate.. what was the name of that again?…well whatever, wasn’t that funny?

I know I had even more advantages in mind but I forget what they are….oh well… perhaps you can remind me?.

 

Categories: Bungling Around Bratislava...and other places, General blogs on things I am not very good at | Tags: , , | 12 Comments

10 Things To Avoid When Friends Come To Stay.

bus_stopWe had some friends came to visit us this weekend and we learned a few valuable lessons in the process:

1. Make sure you know that there is more than one bus service from the Vienna airport to Bratislava and where the bus will stop, because if you are waiting at the wrong place it can be quite problematic.

2. Don’t take the dog with you to meet the bus in case he rolls in human excrement because you are waiting at the wrong place for well over an hour. Trying to clean off with an old tissue in your pocket doesn’t work very well.

3. When you finally work out there is another bus service which arrives at another stop, make sure you know where that other stop is so don’t spend added time calling and asking people trying to work out where you should be going. Also, when you finally work out where the new bus stop is, take a taxi as walking takes too long because it is further away than you think.

How I roll

4. Don’t let the dog who has rolled in human excrement jump up with excitement when he finally sees your friend which means he reaches out to pat him and…well you get the picture. Also, don’t let the dog who has rolled in human excrement anywhere near you when you sit in the taxi on the way home because it may get on your coat.

5. Make sure your husband doesn’t leave the car door slightly open so that when he goes to take the car to meet your friend’s wife (who was flying in from another location) it has a flat battery and your friend has to take a taxi to meet her while your husband  rushes around looking for jumper cables.

6. Make sure there is no two-day rugby tournament on TV because you may be tempted to keep watching it even though this is very boring for your friends.

7. When you decide to drive to visit an Abbey in nearby Hungary, make sure you have the correct directions so that you don’t get lost and argue with your husband about it as you drive around in circles for a while.

8. When you take them to Vienna to try one of your favourite lemon tarts, make sure you know where the cafe is and that sometimes it looks different because it is winter and they have removed the outside chairs and then when you finally do find it, you need to book ahead as it is a very popular place.

9. Try and prevent your dog from jumping in your friend’s suitcase and playing with her bra, trying to bite her and then entangling himself in her lovely jumper which could cause holes.

10. Last but by no means least; try to avoid pouring rain and/or sickness when you have visitors as neither is much fun.

In case you get the wrong idea, we really enjoyed the weekend and had a great time with our friends. I am just not sure they would be able to say the same.

Categories: Bounding along with Bunce, Bungling Around Bratislava...and other places, General blogs on things I am not very good at, Travel blogs | Tags: , , , | 15 Comments

He was definitely in the wrong!

couple fightingMy husband Greg and I had an argument the other night. I won’t bore you with the sordid details but suffice to say; he was most definitely in the wrong.

He stormed off to bed, leaving me stewing over divorce lawyers and how we should divide up the dog.  “I’ll show him”, I thought and went to sleep in the spare room. I tossed and turned through the night because a: I was still mad and b: I was uncomfortable as I was not used to the bed. But it was all worth it because I was sure he would be realising his faults and that he was totally in the wrong.

couple in bed fightingIn reality, he had a good nights sleep, and got up in the morning, not even noticing I wasn’t in the bed. After taking our dog Bunce for his early morning walk (futile cat hunt, sidewalk pee and poop, other dog poop sniff and vigorous and repetitive ball chasing-the dog I mean not Greg) Bunce came running up the stairs, leaped onto our bed was fast asleep when Greg poked his head in the door a few minutes later. That’s when he finally realised I wasn’t there.
“What are you doing in here?” he asked, when he found me in the spare room.
“What do you think?” I answered. “I am very mad at you.”
“Oh right…well I forgive you,” he said, which was not exactly the reaction I was shooting for, given that he was totally in the wrong.
couple-cartoon-arguing

But there was nothing left to do but make up, especially as we both thought it was pretty funny that he had not suffered or even noticed my lone protest.
“You can have the dog'” I told him, “since he didn’t notice I was missing either.”
“At least now we are even,” Greg said, referring to a similar incident during our first year of marriage. After an argument, he had stormed out of the house and gone for a long walk in the middle of the night, before coming home to sleep in the spare room.  He was sure I was lying in bed feeling miserable as he was, when in reality, I had gone straight to sleep and had no idea he had even left the house.  We have often laughed about that and neither of us can remember what the argument was even about (but I am sure he was in the wrong).

So, the moral of this sad tale is that the biblical advice about resolving fights before going to bed is probably true for us. Sleeping in separate bedrooms is a waste of time and doesn’t lead to good sleep habits. Of course this will only be effective if he can stay awake long enough to agree that he is in the wrong.

 

Categories: Bungling Around Bratislava...and other places, Sleepy husband blogs | Tags: , , | 14 Comments

Naked Men, Wine and Exercise

Don’t you just hate it when people brag about their weekend because it involved some form of vigorous exercise? You know, they ran a marathon or climbed a mountain,  blah blah blah.
“So, what did you do?” they then like to ask, with a smug look.
“Oh well I um…spilled toast crumbs in the bed……..watched some TV…..patted the dog….”

But all that has changed because this weekend I went cycling. Ha! So there, highly annoying fit and active people (including my husband who goes to the gym 7 days a week). It was just like the Tour de France apart from some minor details:

Firstly, we took the dog….

Tour de France here we come

Tour de France here we come!

…can dogs enter the Tour de France?…

Let me out of here!!!!!!!!

Come on, pedal faster. I want that yellow jersey!!!!!!!!

…and we stopped for lunch and ate a huge pizza….

bunce pizza

He ate too much pizza…I can feel that yellow jersey slipping away.

…then a little later stopped again for a glass (well plastic cup) of wine….

 

Best part of the day

That’s it,  I’m off…they are hopeless and we are never going to win now.

…and I saw 2 naked man swimming in a lake….

(no photo of that sorry)

….and I could hardly move afterwards because my butt was so sore…

(no photo of that either sorry)

But apart from all that, it was exactly like the Tour de France. Believe it or not, we are considering doing it again this Saturday. And not only because I saw some naked men, but also because it was fun. But only if we stop for wine and pizza.

“So, what did you do over the weekend?” she asked with a smug look!

Categories: Bounding along with Bunce, Bungling Around Bratislava...and other places | Tags: , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Ten things it is better not to do in Europe

I have lived in Europe for long enough now to have figured out a few things it is better not to do.

Berlin 013

Come eat me Fay!!!

  1. Don’t make too many trips from Bratislava to eat a lemon tart that you discovered in a cafe in Vienna because soon your jeans will not fit and people like your husband will notice. 
  2. Don’t giggle when you see signs in German like Gute Fahrt because it is very juvenile.
  3. Don’t tell people you are studying Slovak because they will expect you to have learned something.
  4. Don’t wear high heels and then expect to be able to walk on the cobbled streets of the Old City. You will look like you have had way too much to drink even if you haven’t.
  5. Don’t keep starting sentences with “When I lived in Africa…”  (or anywhere else you have lived) or mention anything about rugby because nobody really cares.
  6. Don’t say to some women at an International Women’s Group coffee morning that you are interested in helping with something because before you know it you are in meetings and spending hours on your computer but not getting paid for all that hard work.
  7. Don’t keep thinking about all the house help you used to have in Africa and Asia because you are finding all the housework quite annoying and time consuming and you aren’t as good as it as you used to be.
  8. Don’t tell your husband that you can’t be bothered making dinner because you are too full of lemon tart because he won’t be very impressed.

    Bunce waiting to go for a walk

    Please, please take me for a walk

  9. Don’t expect your Jack Russell dog to think that just because it is cold and raining he won’t want you to take him out for a walk so he can chase something.
  10. Don’t keep posting photos on facebook/blog/twitter of your trips because your family and friends think you are just showing off. And also don’t think that just because there are so many more places you are dying to visit right on your doorstep, your husband will not want to stay home on the odd weekend.
  11. (Ooops sorry, more than 10 but last one I promise). Don’t keep dreaming about that lemon tart when you are supposed to be listening to someone talk or working on your computer or sitting in church or walking to the supermarket or doing housework or in a meeting or pretty much anywhere you happen to be.
Categories: Bungling Around Bratislava...and other places | Tags: , , | 10 Comments

Where in the World is Weirdo Woman?

Shamelessly copying from Where in the World is Waldo? (not to mention a friend’s occasional Facebook status) this very strange woman has been spotted in various locations around Europe.

See if  you can guess where she is in each photo. The prize will be something very special. Perhaps an all expense paid trip to each of the places she has visited. Or maybe even a mention in this world-famous blog (the publishers are still debating).

IMG_20130915_173342

Photo One: Where in the world is Weirdo Woman?

Where am I?

Photo two: Where in the world is Weirdo Woman?

 

Where am I?

Photo three: Where in the world is Weirdo Woman?

 

Where am I?

Photo four:Where in the world is Weirdo Woman?

 

P1020933

Photo five: Where in the World is Weirdo Woman?

So go on, give it a go. What have you got to lose? (I just hope that Weirdo Woman herself remembers where she was when these were taken …oops must edit that bit out).

 

 

 

 

Categories: Bungling Around Bratislava...and other places, Travel blogs | 13 Comments